Is that an Easter chocolate bunny or some....thing else

I love me some Easter candy. 

Sooooo delightful, biting the heads off of chocolate animals and prebirth chickens.

But look at the thing.

The packaging looks awesome.

The bunny so happy it will soon die a horrible death by being eaten.

Open say wrapper and behold....

This!

I love the rooster sauce. 

I love to tip meat in it. 

I like to spread it on things. 

I love the taste of it.

In order to show my love the sauce, I decided to make my own t-shirt design for the sauce.

Please, let me know what you think?

But it's for the kids!

I just thought of a way to make a ton of extra money. 

Since someone is ALWAYS fund raiser for their kids doing something, I am start a year round fundraiser foundation. 

Which goes into my pocket.

This will be a year round camp for kids who love Karate. 

It will bring smiles to little faces of kids who pretend to know kung fu.

Keep at eye out for the posters to come

Well, you were suspended, but we forgot.

I love my workplace, it feels like I am in the movie Office Space.

I felt like this guy yesterday:

Here's what happened

I was told I was suppose to be suspended without pay from work last week, but it didn't happen. 

Management somehow misplace, forgot, didn't know why or what I did wrong.

When I asked what was it that I did?  Again, the answer was,  uh.......... I am going to have to research that.

Since there are always lessons to be learned, lessons of the day:

Be as lazy as possible, they can't catch you doing anything wrong if you are literally not working.

Keep a job with the most vague job responsibility.  Again, can't catch me doing wrong when the boss don't know what you should be doing.

Who kidnip moldie the toxic mold?

Knowing his ( I assume it's a boy mold) owner is not here to take care of him. 

I decided to make Moldie a set of petri dish cozies to keep it warm. 


When I came back the next day to surprise Moldie, he's gone.  GONE.


I went all over the office looking for him.

Only to find this......

Don't worry, the police has been called, though they did hung up on me.

Hi, my name is Bob, ........and I am an asshole

Hi Bob, it's ok, we are all assholes too.



Welcome to Asshole Anonymous.


When our problems spin out of control and we don't know who to turn to. 

Now there's help. 

There are support groups out for us to deal with us being an A-holes to all that is around us.

But first, we have to look in the mirror and reconize the asshole looking back at us.

Lets look at the 12.......uh..... The 8 steps of

Asshole Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless as assholes - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves (his name is Phil, he say he's going to kick my butt if I don't believe) could restore us to non-asshole status.

3. Realize we are not a donkey with a weird name.

4. Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our assholedom.

5. Made a list of all persons we had been asses to, and became willing to make amends to them all.

6. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
    (Open settings like company meetings, dinner time or during a movie while screaming is a good starting point)

7. Continued to take personal ass inventory and when we are asses and promptly admitted it.

8. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to all assholes and reforming asshole. (We call them the hole-less ones)



If stupid is a disability, I would be a king among...

.....men, very very stupid men, but a King though.

I work at a place where disability is the in-thing to do, where all the popular kids are on disability.  No,no,no, not the real ones like I fallen and I can't get up.

How do I get on disability and be one of the cool kids you ask?

Here are some examples:

Fat camp (yes, I will be the only 35 year old at fat camp)

I got addicted to pixie sticks.

My work wife left me and got a better job.

They blocked youtube at work so I have to stay home.

My make believe tumor is getting in the way of my pretend work.

The toxic mold I grew at work is making me sick.

Have I lost weight? And other delightful cry for attention questions.

Ever been presented with questions like that when you don't even know the person?

Only to have it answered for you by same person, I have.  You are then trapped into pointless conversations about nothing for hours.

Here's how the conversation usually goes:
(names have been change to protect the innocent)

Nacy:  Say...... Have I lost weight.
Victim:  Huh?
Nacy:  Thanks for asking, I have lost weight, I feel great. You know how great I feel?
Victim:  Huh? ...... I meant no.... (tries to run, only to find nacy is much faster)

If you have, you just been a victim of the "cry for help."  Thousands of people daily are victims for this horrible accident waiting to happen.  Let's be smart and avoid.

Here are others pitfalls to avoid:

My blue makeup is great, I know where you can get some.

My belly chain does look good.

Contact lens? Why yes....

I just called.. to say, I am taking a mental day.

You have to sing to the Stevie Wonder song.

Everyone has sick days, usually we call the boss, say "Hey boss, having waaaayyy too much pooptime to come to work today, doesn't look like I'll make it in before it happens again....... UH-OH...... I gotta go, byeeeeeeeee."


But what happen when you have to take a mental day from work?


I imagine this....

What consist of a mental day?

Go to a field and pick flowers with mismatched shoes and socks and a headdress on.

Talk to your imaginery therapist all day.

How do you inform work?

Do you just not show up to work for three days. When you do show up start screaming "but what about the chipmunks" and run away crying when asked what happen.

Do you call and advise the boss the Dr. told you that you will be crazy for about a week and they suggest you take the time off.

 Email pictrues of yourself in your tin foil helmet.

Leave a message with just the following.. "JUST LOOK AT THE PETRI DISH."